James has always been a 9-5 kinda guy, or at least something to that effect, and it’s always worked for us. We could eat dinner together, do the bedtime routine, and then hang out once the girls were in bed.
But with our move to America has come a new work routine. James is on call from 6am until 10pm, and as he works in hospitals, the majority of his work is in the evening when they aren’t treating. However, he often gets called out at random times of the day, and sometimes he’ll be out for a bit, home again, and then back out. Some days he doesn’t get called out at all.
The biggest positive of this chaotic schedule is that James gets to experience, and enjoy, moments of the day that he wouldn’t otherwise, and we get to enjoy them with him. Our mornings are generally quite slow (but still hectic), we enjoy coffee together, and most days James takes Emma to school. On sunny days we dig out the pushchair and walk the afternoon school run, often stopping by the park on the way home. James has also been able to attend the majority of the daytime events at school, and on Fridays we take Aubrey to Little Gym together if he’s home.
However, recently he’s been out in the evening Monday through Friday more often than not, and the last few weeks he’s worked a lot in the day too. It’s been hard.
This change of routine didn’t factor into conversations regarding our move. I guess neither of us gave much thought as to how it would affect us. Truth be told, I didn’t really think it would have much of an impact.
But adjusting to a different schedule has been challenging. Most nights I have to get all three girls bathed and ready for bed on my own. Usually this means:
- Drying and dressing London on the bathroom floor, whilst washing Aubrey’s hair.
- Juggling breastfeeding at the same time as fighting a toddler that doesn’t want to brush her teeth.
- Pacing back and forth trying to settle a crying baby, while giving Aubrey the comfort she needs to fall asleep.
- Having to run up and down stairs (because my kids don’t just go to bed and stay there, or stay quiet haha), whilst still trying to settle London.
In addition to carrying out our normal evening routine by myself, I often have to take Emma to and from her extracurriculars solo, as well as plan to attend evening school events on my own, and hope that James will be home when it comes to it. Previously we knew he’d get home at a certain time and could plan ahead.
Another challenge of the work schedule that hadn’t occurred to me before is how difficult it is to schedule things in the evening. Unless it’s a weekend (and even then it’s not a guarantee), or James takes time off of work. The alternative is accepting that I’ll likely be attending/hosting myself, which isn’t all bad, but with three children in tow isn’t the easiest. This has made it somewhat difficult to socialise as much as we’d like to.
Not only is it challenging for me on the parenting front, but it’s challenging on our relationship. It’s difficult not getting to spend regular time with your partner. And despite seeing James every day I don’t feel like we really spend time together, as we’re usually caught up in other aspects of life.
Thankfully the change hasn’t affected the girls too much. They love it when James is home in the day, Emma especially loves when we can both pick her up from school. If James works a lot consecutively they’ll ask when he’ll be able to do bedtime, and be vocal about missing him, but on the whole they manage it well.
Overall though our new routine is pretty good, and the girls love having the opportunity to see their daddy in the day. I’m sure we’ll find better ways to utilise the time we have together so we’re not sacrificing on quality. We’re also trying to find the best ways to socialise that don’t require rigid commitment, James for example, has found an evening gaming group that he can drop in on when possible.
Hopefully the biggest struggles of the new routine will smooth out soon. James will have slightly more control over his schedule once he’s out on his own (he’s shadowing his colleagues at the moment), which will give us more structure. I also hope that we continue to adjust, and find better ways to approach things that are difficult at the moment.
If you’ve moved abroad did you have a change in routine/work hours? How did you find the change?
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